Hear ye and gather ’round as I share with ye a tale of two scallywags who took th’ plunge an’ hitched themselves at th’ Winery o’ the Twisted Oak.

(Must change back to ye olde English, cuz my pirate speak be rusty and the online pirate translators aren’t much help.)

Jeff “El Jefe” Stai made an offer that was hard to refuse when he suggested that we say our vows at his annual Skullz release party,  so we spent an afternoon thrift shopping and assembling our pirate fan fare to have a rehearsal pirate wedding.  After El Jefe kindly allowed us to use his shower after our harrowing motel experience the night before, we bedecked and adorned ourselves in pirate fashion and proceeded to the Cave Loot at Twisted Oak.

The winery is near the town of Murphy on a hill dressed in vines speckled with ripened fruit and crested with a twisty 350 year old Californian blue oak.  Scallywags and Wenches were running amok with excitement to preview the winery’s treasured wines.  Tours were being led through the caves below, where barrels were plundered by thieves (A device used to suck wine samples out of a barrel is called a Wine Thief) and the Twisted Few Wine Club members sampled wines to be released next year.  The cave was suitably dressed with sculls, gold, jewels, and rubber chickens.

The crowd was jovial and festive and my dear scurvy swab (who, as you know, knows only a little about wine) volunteered himself to lead a tour through the caves.  He had followed a few tours already and was confident that he had grasped the important notes to share with the crew. I was so proud of him, that I followed along and poured the tastings as he fielded questions with the sage suggestion to ask Jeff when they return to the crush pad.

We sampled:

• Sir Ron Yay (What it sounds like.  A tasty blend of Syrah and Viognier)
• Torcido (a twisted little Grenacha)
• Petite Sirah (and the only thing little about it is the name)
• Parcel 17 (a killer wine, but a smaller yield this year.  Snatch this one up fast.)
• The Spaniard (Brix Chix says it all)

As the afternoon sun beat us down, er, beat down on us, the time for the crew of looters to witness our vows drew near.  We gathered around the crush pad and the Captain El Jefe sharpened his sword, I had another glass of wine, and Brent ate another chicken wing.  We spoke our vows as follows:

“I,  Captain Brent, take thee, Karen to be me wench.  To supply ye with chests of treasure and to protect ye from hostile boardings.  Through rough seas and calm, through shipwrecks and scurvy.  To listen to ye as ye babble on about interwebs and empty bottles of wine.  And on the nights of revelry [as that night turned out to be], when yer account of sobriety has been overdrawn, I shall come forth and carry thee home [oh, so true...].  YARR.”

To which I replied with:

” I, Maid Karen, take thee, Brent to be me scurvy swab.  To bring thee thy sword and tend to ye after battle.  Through fierce battles and calm, through bar fights and keel-haulings.  To listen to ye as ye babble on about the Mariners and empty bottles of ale.  And on the nights of revelry, when yer account of sobriety is becoming overdrawn, I’ll ensure thy goblet is flowing with run, grog, and swish.  YARR.”

With that, we exchanged eye patches.

Brent, Me, and El Jefe

I would have loved to share a video of these sacred vows, but the camera failed.  Not once, or twice, but three attempts to film this scene of romantic bliss failed.  We do have pictures and fond memories of the intimate moment we shared at Twisted Oak.  El Jefe’s bounteous hospitality derserves many cheers and endless wishes that his cask may never be empty.

The night of revelry continued with friends (Thea and Liza) at the Murphy’s Bar with bottles of wine and Karaoke.  It carried through a cemetary that fascinated me with memories American cinematic folklore all the way to El Jefe’s house where we drank from his cellar until my, er, account of sobriety went bankrupt.

A huge thank you to El Jefe for his generosity in hosting us at his winery and house.  And gracias for the rubber chicken “El Polo Loco” who enjoyed his travels with us throughout Sonoma and Napa.